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Season 1, Episode 6. - Jacky. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Call me something. If I like it, I'll keep it.

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Season 1, Episode 6. [Oct. 7th, 2010|02:45 pm]
Call me something. If I like it, I'll keep it.
[Current Mood |crankycranky]


This one's called Lonely Among Us. WOULDN'T BE ABOUT WESLEY WOULD IT
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THE FUCK GIANT IGUANAS
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LOL at Tasha, Riker, and Picard wearing dresses over pants.
Tasha: I FEEL GAY
Picard: SHUT UP, this will help us connect with our guests.
Riker: CAN'T THEY JUST WEAR A SHIRT AND PANTS LIKE NORMAL IGUANAS DO
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No one likes a bitchy guest, Space Iguanas.
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Iguana Leader: I DON'T EVEN WANT TO SEE AN ANTICAN!
Riker: Ok, sir.
Iguana Leader: Seriously, communal breakfast? Out of the question.
Riker: OH. KAY.
Iguana Leader: GOD I can SMELL them already!
Riker: THERE'S A SPACE MOTEL 6 JUST 5 LIGHTYEARS FROM HERE NICE KNOWIN' YA
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Picard: Do you understand why these two groups hate each other?
Riker: No, sir. My motto is, "Make love, not war." Like A LOT of love.
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Geordi: Worf, why are you here?
Worf: Uhh, Captain's orders.
Geordi: Didn't want to be alone, huh?
Worf: IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE AROUND ME JUST SAY IT TO MY FACE *breaks space clipboard and stomps out*
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OH FUCK, WORF! THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T TOUCH THINGS!
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Geordi just watching Worf being electrocuted.
"I should probably do something. Nah, he's fakin' it, I bet."
Worf *collapses*
Geordi: OH SHIT
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LOL Worf unconscious and STILL wrinkling his nose when Geordi touches his neck.
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LOL Geordi hurling himself on top of Worf.
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Beverly: What happened?
Geordi: Uhh, I was totally supervising him and then I turned my back for like 2 seconds and Worf stuck his finger in an electrical socket or something.
Beverly: AGAIN?
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Geordi, ok, stop feeling Worf up. And you can dismount him any time.
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Picard's intense "Can you even see me right now, Geordi?" gaze. ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING PICARD OR ARE YOU IMAGINING HOW YOU'D LOOK IN A BITCHIN' GEORDI VISOR
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YIKES. I guess that's an Antican. UGLEH
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FUCK NO ANTICAN'S DEVIL VOICE AND CREEPY PUPPET MOUTH I'M WITH THE GIANT SPACE IGUANAS ON THIS
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LOL Riker and Tasha's "Did you hear what they said?" "Yeah I did!" faces. Those two should be friends, too. I mean outside of banging.
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Beverly what is that goofy fucking thing on your head? You look ridiculous.
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Uh oh. The electricity passed to Beverly. Now she's gonna make jokes about "sparks" between Picard and her. And then she'll crackle with electricity and Picard'll be like, "THIS IS WESLEY'S FAULT SOMEHOW I'M DE-ENSIGNING HIM"
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Troi, how convenient of you to walk in and state the obvious. Just "passing by", were you?
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Troi: That's a story the doctor will tell you.
Beverly *leaves*
Troi *looks like an ass*: Uh...once upon a time--
Worf: OH NO I'M SUDDENLY FATIGUED. Later, Troi, naptime.
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Data, did you just quote Sherlock Holmes? <3
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:( Data watching Picard walk away.
Data: FINE I'LL SOLVE IT ALL BY MYSELF AND GET ALLLLLL THE GLORY
*no one is listening*
Data: *sits down, puts his face in his hands, and cries*
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AND AGAIN, Wesley is oblivious to everything. In this case, his super-lurk Mom.
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Beverly *turns monitor Wesley's studying*
Wesley: Physical Sciences class. Part of--
Beverly: IS THAT RIKER'S COCK
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Wesley doesn't care that something's wrong with his mom. SOMEONE'S ACTUALLY PAYING ATTENTION TO HIM
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Also I guess he was too busy studying Anatomy or Physical Sciences or whatever to change his sweater from the last episode.
Wesley: This is my lucky sweater, ok? Riker says when I wear it I get lucky.
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Wesley: Mom? Is something wrong? PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME I MISS YOU SO MUCH
Way to be 5 years behind everyone, Wesley.
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Forever Alone Wesley is so canon it's depressing.
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LOL smart-ass Geordi.
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Data: That's real interesting how you're not doing what you said you were.
Beverly *ignores*
Data *looking around: I said, "SHE'S NOT DOING WHAT SHE SAID SHE WAS"
Everyone *ignores*
Data: I HOPE YOU ALL GET SUCKED BLOWN INTO SPACE AND DIE
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Beverly (to Data): What am I--
Data: SORRY CAN'T HEAR YOU
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LOL Data's "THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH HER" stare.
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Beverly: I'll do my work in my office.
Picard: Do you want someone to accompany you?
Beverly: Nope.
Picard *clenching fists and tearing up as doors to the turbolift close*: Don't cry, DON'T CRY. THINK OF HAMLET, DAMNIT
OHHH, REJECTED
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Data: Captain, there is a malfunction in this station.
Picard: I AM WALLOWING IN SELF-PITY OVER HERE, DATA, IN CASE YOU DIDN'T NOTICE
Data *all haughty*: WELCOME TO MY LIFEdidn't.
-------------------
George Lopez, what are you doing on the crew of the Enterprise?
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LOL Data's look at Picard.
Data: Dude, you know your stupid ice queen girlfriend touched this and fucked everything up.
Picard: NO SHE'S TOO PERFECT FOR THAT IT WAS HER DEVIL SPAWN
Data: He hasn't been here at all, sir.
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Picard *in meeting room*: So we all agree to blame Wesley.
-------------------
George Lopez again.
George Lopez *finishes speaking to Picard*
Picard: OK, someone translate that into English.
Riker: That was English, sir.
Picard *looks like a jackass*: Right, right.
-------------------
Of course you aren't satisfied with the explanations, Picard. None of them involve blaming Wesley. YOU'D PROBABLY TRY TO BLAME YOUR BALDNESS ON HIM WOULDN'T YOU (although Picard probably did tear all his hair out from sheer rage at having to deal with Wesley in the past)
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Oh God the watermelon-headed werewolves are back.
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SHADY MOTHERFUCKERS
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Werewolf: But...we will FINISH it.
Tasha *suddenly back through door*: I KNEW IT
*phaser-stuns all the werewolves*
Tasha: Riker, go stun the iguanas.
Riker: You know it.
*FRIENDSHIP HIGH-FIVE*
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Picard: OK, theories as to why our ship is suddenly a crap-heap.
Data: Sir, if it were really this awful we would never have left the spacedock. Therefore--
Picard: I DON'T WANT YOUR LOGIC I WANT ACCUSATIONS OF WESLEY
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Fucking Riker stealing Data's answer.
Data: FIRST TASHA NOW MY ANSWER WHAT'S NEXT MY JOB *runs away crying*
Riker: OK.
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Riker and Data: It was probably the Ferengi, sir, I mean think about it.
Picard: Nooo, I'm pretty sure it was someone else. Can you name any other suspects?
Riker and Data: Uh, like who?
Picard: Starts with "wuh", ends with "esley"?
Riker: You sound like a private eye, sir. And by that I mean a DICK.
Picard, seriously, knock it off. Wesley's just standing around alone wearing his pumpkin sweater.
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LOLOLOL CAMERA ZOOMING UP ON DATA'S FACE AS HE TRIES NOT TO HAVE A JOY SEIZURE
Data: I WILL BE THAT WORLD'S GREATEST CONSULTING DETECTIVE
Riker: HA, PLEASE, you couldn't detect a bull in a china shop!
Data: Could you?
Riker:
Data:
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FUCK, Wesley's at the controls.
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Wesley: Mr. Lopez, how about this DO YOU APPROVE?
Lopez: Excellent.
Wesley: SWEET VALIDATION
Wesley = puppy that I want to kick sometimes, y/y?
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LOPEZ YOU COLD.
Lopez: OK THANKS FOR FIXING IT GTFO
Wesley: But--
Lopez: I'M DONE WITH YOU LEAVE
Wesley *slow, depressed walk out as sad Charlie Brown theme plays*
-------------------
BEVERLY IS WEARING A RED SNUGGIE OH MY GOD YOU GUYS THOSE ARE STILL AROUND
-------------------
Beverly: Hi.
Wesley: LIKE YOU EVEN CARE
Beverly: Uh...solve any problems today?
Wesley: You mean like WHY AM I FOREVER ALONE? NO, MOM, ARE YOU HAPPY YOU ASKED NOW?
Beverly: You're just an acting Ensign, Wes--
Wesley: GOD NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME BUT RIKER *runs all hissy into room*
Beverly: I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM HIM
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Wesley: I'm kind of a genius so I understand a lot, like when I was telling you about dilithium crystals--
Beverly: That sounds boring as hell, when was that?
Wesley *hurt pause*: ...this morning. DO YOU EVER LISTEN TO ME
Beverly: Uhhh there was that one time you were complaining about what an ice queen Tasha was.
Wesley: OMG THAT WAS DATA MOM *runs into room and slams door*
LOL, darlingdreamtree, then he goes on Neopets to neomail his "special, totally 18 year old" friend. BEST MESSAGE CONVO EVER
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Wesley is 1/2 FOREVER ALONE, 1/2 "Okay..." Guy. HIS SILENT TEARS ARE DELICIOUS <3
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SHIT George Lopez just got tazered. And Worf convieniently showed up to check on him.
-------------------
Whoa, wait, Lopez died? TIME TO BUST OUT THE INSULATED RUBBER GLOVES, GUYS or just be Data
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Picard: How did he die?
Worf: Electrocution.
Picard: Exactly, Wesley did it.
PICARD I SWEAR TO GOD
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LOL Tasha's disgusted face.
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Werewolf: It was a VERY interesting animal.
Tasha: Sure it was an animal? 'Cause it smells like RANCID FART. *leaves*
Werewolf *sniffs air, pauses, starts crying*: IT'S TRUE
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Troi eyefucking Worf. He's too cool for you, don't even think it.
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OH MY GOD DATA LOOK AT YOU. LOOK AT YOU FOR FUCK'S SAKE. GOT A GODDAMN SHERLOCK PIPE BEIN' FUCKIN' KING COOL IN THAT ROTATING CHAIR DAMN IF BARCLAY WAS THERE HE'D JIZZ HIS UNDERWEAR INTO OBLIVION
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UNF BITE THAT PIPE BABY
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OMG DATA'S REACTION TO SHERLOCK HOLMES WAS EXACTLY LIKE MINE ONLY I'M NOT SO FUCKING SEXY I ROCKED A PIPE AND UBER CONFIDENCE
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Tasha, you're just sneering so your vagina doesn't succumb to undulations of ecstasy at this glorious vision of Data. Also LOL, Riker giggling silently.
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Data *whips monitor front then back*
Me:
(BRB OMG DATA YOU ARE DEVASTATING MY VAGINA'S EMOTIONS)
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AND HE BIT THE PIPE AGAIN OMG Y U DO DIS TO ME SPINER
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DATA IF YOU KEEP BITING THAT PIPE I WON'T BE ABLE TO FOCUS ON NOTES
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Data (to Tasha): On the contrary. (pause) My dear colleague.
*brief silence*
Data: The pause was me switching into sarcasm, Tasha, because--
Tasha: YEAH I GOT THAT.
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Tasha fanning away smoke? BITCH PLEASE YOU LOVE IT
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Wait, Data, what are you even talking about?
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DATA I WILL BREAK THAT PIPE STOP BITING IT YOU'RE KILLING ME
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LOL DATA
Data *hella condescending*: It's elementary, my dear Riker. *realizes he's a lower rank* ...sir.
Data you used like 2 quotations that Holmes never actually said. DID YOU JUST CLIFF NOTE THE STORIES YOU SEXY POSER
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LOL Worf's crazy eyes as Beverly's talking. CALM DOWN
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Troi: When you approach a decision and ask yourself which way to go, who are you talking to?
Picard: The crew...or so I thought.
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Uhh Data that better not be no red shirt you have on.
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FUCK HE BIT THE PIPE AGAIN
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Picard: Data, let's proceed without the pipe.
Me:
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LOL Data restraining himself from picking the pipe up. DO IT, FUCK AUTHORITY
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Picard apparently hasn't read any Sherlock holmes and was just name-dropping before, judging from his expression.
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Where did you even FIND a magnifying glass, Data?
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OH SHIT WESLEY'S IN DATA'S SEAT AGAIN
Data *brief pause*: ...I see. *walks back into turbolift to destroy the rest of Wesley's sweaters*
Wesley: DATA NO THOSE SWEATERS ARE PART OF WHO I AM
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Geordi are you going to explan that electricity or what?
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Picard: Everything is fine now.
You say that, but you look REALLY grumpy.
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LOL at everyone instantly detecting something wrong with Picard.
Riker: Sir, you've lightened up. We're concerned.
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Data: Sir we don't even know anything about that energy cloud.
Picard: RIGHT, Data, we must go back and learn more!
Data: I don't know how you interpreted that as me agreeing with you, but ok.
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LOL meeting without Picard.
Riker, Beverly, Troi, Data, and Geordi *all drawing straws to see who gets left out*
Worf *watching wistfully*: GUYS CAN I PLAY
Riker: Sorry, Geordi, you gotta stay.
Geordi: DAMNIT
Worf *following after the rest of them*: GUYS WHAT ARE WE--
*door shuts in his face*
Worf:
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Oh wait, there's Geordi, my bad. STILL NO WORF LOL
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DATA SEXING UP THE PLACE <3
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Riker (recording log): We've decided to approach the Captain regarding his recent behavior.
Picard (as Beverly and Riker enter): yes?
Riker: WHY YOU BEEN ACTING SO WHACK?
Beverly: RIKER NO! SUBTLETY!
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Picard, you're a little scary right now.
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Picard you just went through like 10 different moods in about 20 seconds. SLOW DOWN, CRAZY, SLOW DOWN!
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PICARD JUST WANTS TO WATCH STARS IS THAT SO WRONG
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Riker *has a glowstick hooked around his neck*: THE FUCK
Iguana: Oops, sorry. Thought you were a werewolf.
Riker *stomping to a speaker all pissed as the Iguanas look at each other like "OH FUCK"*: YAR GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW
Tasha: OMG ARE WE GOING TO FIGHT
Riker: YOU KNOW IT, BB. BRING GUNS.
Iguanas *scatter*
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Now Picard's watching porn. I just don't even know what his thought process is.
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I hope the plan to return Picard to normal involves bringing Wesley onto the Bridge so Picard just rages himself sane.
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Picard: THIS POOR ENERGY BEING WAS ON THE SHIP FRIGHTENED AND PLEADING FOR HELP BUT DID YOU LISTEN NOOOO
Data: All it did was FIZZLE. Sorry I'm not fluent in snap, crackle, and popping.
Picard: EXCUSES EXCUSES
Um, IDK, maybe it shouldn't have stowed away in the first place? Just sayin'.
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Troi: Is the entity in control of you, sir?
Picard: We learned much about each other and here's an account of its entire life history--
Troi: GODDAMN IT'S LIKE LISTENING TO SOMEONE RECITE THE CONSTITUTION JUST GIVE US A SHORT ANSWER ALREADY
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Picard *going all Emperor Palpatine on everyone*
Riker: SECURITY RED ALERT
UMM A LITTLE MORE THAN RED ALERT I THINK MORE LIKE RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIVES GRANDPA HAS GONE PSYCHO AND THINKS HE'S ELECTRO
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Data is the only one reaching for Picard. BRIDGE CREW ARE YOU EVEN TRYING
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Tasha you hot.
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TROI YOU RUIN EVERYTHING WHEN YOU TALK
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Data you smooth. Savin' the Captain like it ain't no thing.
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DID HE SOUND CONFUSED, TROI? I COULDN'T TELL FOR MYSELF BY THE CONFUSION IN HIS VOICE UNTIL YOU POINTED IT OUT TWO SECONDS LATER, THANKS FOR THAT. WHERE WOULD THE CREW BE WITHOUT A USEFUL MEMBER LIKE YOU
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Picard: What are you talking about, Data? Is this still Sherlock Holmes?
OH LOL. Also more proof that Picard has absolutely no idea what Holmes is about. Too in love with his Shakespeare to pick up some Doyle, I guess. 
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LOL Riker trying not to LOL whenever Sata says indubitably. I bet Brent Spiner said it as often as possible just to mess with Frakes.
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Riker don't you dare be a dick to Tasha. She is the female you. It's like fucking yourself ok where is this even going
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Picard: OH SO SLEEPY Riker don't fuck this up you're in charge.
Riker: BUT--
Picard: NIGHT SEE YA
LOL
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I just realized that Wesley suddenly vanished. DATA WHAT DID YOU DO

This episode pretty much had me divided between "HURR DAT DATA" and wanting to bang my head against a wall.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: phantomdancer
2010-10-08 10:42 pm (UTC)
"BRB OMG DATA YOU ARE DEVASTATING MY VAGINA'S EMOTIONS"

rofl
(Reply) (Thread)